Hawaiian Islands Cruise Kauai Port of Nawiliwili; Back to Miami

After Kona it was off to Nawiliwili.  It was here that both of us had decided to take our first helicopter tour.  If you are going on your first helicopter ride, it is best to book the one with no doors.  You will be so worried that you will fall out or even worse, drop your wallet, that you won't have time to realize you are already airborne and can't do a thing about it. 

Before the tour, we were both "discreetly weighed" on the office scale.  I say discreetly weighed as the results of the scale were not visible to us but were transmitted to a nearby desktop computer.  It was here that a woman read the results.  What wasn't discreet, was the expression on the woman's face.

Office Worker Reading My Weight From Scale

On our original phone call for reservations we were asked about our individual weights and were informed that Sue’s trim form could very well get her the dreaded center front seat.  Well, after almost three weeks of “vacation eating” and fully loaded with camera gear, Sue got the best seat in the aircraft, the right rear.  Luckily, we were also paired with two skinny newlyweds who got the front right and center seats.  Actually, both of the back seats are good but the final run down the Na Pali coast puts it regularly out the right side.  The pilot did a good job of turning across the coastline so my left back seat also got some nice shots.

Sue Climbing Aboard

The helicopter tour was fabulous.  The helicopter was a Hughes 500 and while I couldn’t tell a 500 from a 499.95 model, it looked OK to me.  Actually, these helicopters were designed for the Army back in the early 60’s as an observation craft.  The transition from military observation to tourist observation seems like a natural.  They must have made some changes over the years because the original specs were for a pilot, fuel and up to 400 lbs. of payload.  My math isn’t always the best but I know that by the time I’m fully dressed and loaded with camera gear we were already well on our way to approaching that limit.  If you add three other folks, we shouldn’t have been able to lift off.  Since we indeed lifted off, I can only assume that in its 50 plus years of service, they have made a few changes.

The Hughes 500 was made by Hughes Aircraft of Howard Hughes fame.  This is the same company that made the famous "Spruce Goose" that was the largest flying boat ever made.  The flying boat flew about one mile at an altitude of 70 feet.  That one successful flight gave it a perfect safety record.  I figured that, if they can make a boat fly, getting a helicopter off the ground should be simple.

Waterfall with rainbow from Helicopter

Na Pali Coast

We flew across the island’s interior with its deep canyons, incredible waterfalls and the famous Na Pali coast.  With no doors there was a nice intermittent 75mph breeze blowing through our seating area.  In Florida we call that a hurricane.  At several thousand feet, that breeze is also rather cool.

The old joke about a Scotsman came to mind.  It seems he and his wife were at a carnival where bi-plane rides were being offered.  The $5.00 price tag for the trip was just too steep (this is an old joke and we are talking about a Scotsman here).  The pilot approached the Scotsman and made him an offer.  If he and his wife would take the trip without screaming, the ride would be free.  After a brief thoughtful reflection, the Scotsman and his wife boarded the bi-plane.  The pilot did flips, spin turns, loop de loops, quick dives, and quick assents and not a peep was heard from the seats behind him.  Upon landing, the pilot turned to the Scotsman and told him he was amazed that he went through all that he had to offer without screaming.  The Scotsman replied, "You’re right, I didn't scream once…, but I liked ta did when my wife fell out".

Interior Waterfall

End of Our Tour

The helicopter tour marked the end of our planned excursions.  We were just one day away from our return to Honolulu and our flight home.  We were exhausted and ready for the misery that is defined by modern air travel.  We just didn’t know how much misery.

Our first two legs of air travel involved Jet Blue and Hawaiian Air.  Both airlines are wonderful carriers and are highly recommended.  Our third leg again involved Hawaiian Air and the flight from Honolulu to San Francisco was wonderful.  Hawaiian Air is the only US carrier to provide free in-flight meals.  On this leg they even added a glass of wine.  After 4 hours in the air we scheduled a layover in SFO at the Hilton.  It was at the Hilton that I scored my first Guinness of the trip and got a properly cooked rare hamburger with grilled onions.  Yum.

Our final leg of the trip was from SFO to MIA and involved American Airlines.  We had booked and reserved our seats four months in advance.  We have a customer profile logged with both our travel agent and American Airlines with a preference for aisle seats.  We booked aisle-aisle seats 12 C and 12 D for the two of us and paid extra for the “extra comfort” seats.  These are the seats where the airlines sell you the legroom they have taken away over the years.

New American Airlines Extra Comfort Seats*
*(spikes are dulled)

When we logged on for our boarding pass we found out that American decided to move us to a window and middle seat in front of the exit row.  These are seats that don’t recline.  They had switched aircraft and, even though both had the same basic configuration with seats 12 C and 12 D on the aisle, they gave those seats to other passengers.  When we called to complain, we were informed that American reserves the right to change reserved seats as they see fit.  The woman that answered the customer service line offered no explanation other than to blame our travel agent for the mix up.  She offered us exit row seats without the extra legroom and without the ability to recline.  Color me skeptical, but I didn’t see the solution there.  It was impossible to argue with her as she was coughing and sneezing so often I couldn’t keep my train of thought.  The flight was fully booked and she offered no solutions.

We tried for a resolution again at the gate without success.  We were herded aboard the aircraft.  I found the seats to be the dreaded DBASH type.  This stands for Designed-By-A-Short-Hunchback.  Quasimodo would have really loved my seat.  The chair back curved in such a manner as to jump out and hit me between the shoulder blades with my head above the headrest.  I looked forward to the next 5 hours in this torture chamber.

Quasimodo Loves American Airlines Seats

As they say in the infomercials, “but wait, there’s more…”  After everyone was safely on board, my phone rang.  It was a recorded message from American Airlines telling me my flight was being delayed by 15 minutes.  Just before my phone rang a second time, an announcement was made that we would be slightly delayed as they were performing “some minor maintenance on the outside of the aircraft.”  The new phone message was again from American telling me of another longer delay.  It seems that there was something wrong with the right engine and they were working on it.  Then there were announced delays because of paperwork.  Then there were delays because they were having difficulty getting the engine cowling replaced.  A little duct tape did the trick.  That stuff fixes everything.

I’m a big fan of keeping the cowling in place.  Bad things happen when they fly off in mid-flight.  Then there were more paperwork delays.  Maintenance personnel were on and off the plane several times. I knew they were from maintenance as they had yellow-green reflective vests with Maintenance printed on the back.  After two hours sitting at the gate, we were ready for departure.  My anticipated 5 hours of torture was now to be 7 hours.  “Please sir, may I have some more.”

I missed the safety briefing as it was shown on the “centrally located ceiling mounted monitors.”  By ducking my head, I could see the lower right diagonal half of the screen.  How would I ever figure out how to fasten that complicated seat belt?

After landing in Miami the rest of the trip was easy.  I tapped my Uber app and requested a pickup.  Sergio arrived in less than two minutes.  He was a recent arrival from Cuba and spoke little English.  My Korean isn’t so good but as a Miamian, I can handle enough Spanish to get by.  A couple of "la izquierdas" and a few "la derechas" and we were home.  Maybe Uber should start an airline.  They seem to know what customers want and have been rather successful.  They certainly couldn't do any worse than American.

Uber Airlines

Think about it.  Open your app, make a reservation, off you go.

So, we are back in the land of TWO-PLY toilet paper.  Overall, our vacation was wonderful.  As with any trip of this length and with the distances covered, a few things will not work as planned.  What did we learn?  Well.....

• San Francisco has an "Indian Summer" in October, and we could have packed fewer cool weather items.
• When booking on Pride of America, select a balcony room on the starboard side away from the dock, fork lifts and sewage trucks.  Port side rooms should be heavily discounted.
• Don't ever use a travel agent.  They just make things more difficult and they are no longer the educated seasoned professionals that used to have that job.
• Jet Blue and Hawaiian Air are very good airlines.
• American Airlines has succumbed to corporate greed where the bottom line comes first and the customer comes last.
• Never eat nachos with jalapenos before a long tour ride on a bumpy road. 

What NOT to eat!

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, don't over-schedule.  Take some time to yourself to just relax and have fun.  You don't need to fill every waking moment with a planned activity.  It's a vacation, not a business trip.

ALOHA!

Hawaiian Islands Cruise "The Big Island" Hawaii Ports of Hilo and Kona

Our next port of call was Hilo on the "Big Island.”  Our second tour of the cruise was to Volcanoes National Park where we saw hot molten lava.  It reminded me once again of the nachos with jalapenos I had in Waikiki.  The lava was bubbling up out of ground about a quarter of a mile from where we were standing and a light mist was falling.  We saw either some hot lava or an Arizona Cardinals football game.  In either case, we were in the cheap seats and we saw some red.

Lava and Steam Eruptions From Halemaʻumaʻu Crater at Volcanoes NP, Oct. 18, 2016

This is what it looks like on a clear day October 15, 2016 (photo courtesy of NPS)

 

National Parks Service Video 3 days before our visit

Later that night after our departure from Hilo, we passed by the south side of Hawaii (big island) and saw the lava flowing into the sea.  Photography was difficult in the darkness and a very high ISO (102,400) was needed.

Lava Flowing Into the Sea

We went to bed and woke up in Kona, Hawaii, also on the Big Island.  We did the Kona by Land and Sea tour.  The land tour was by bus and our driver was not Damien so we considered ourselves lucky. We went to a beautiful National Park I can't pronounce.  The park was called Kaloko-Honokōhau and any way you want to pronounce it is fine with me.  In fact, I have difficulty pronouncing most places here.  They only use twelve letters from our alphabet.  They use the 5 vowels, KLMNPW and H.  You would think it would be easy.  If you find its native name difficult just call it Pu'uhonua o Honaunau National Historical Park, much easier, right?

Pu'uhonua o Honaunau National Historical Park

Sue and I Overlooking a Lagoon

Eventually the Land and Sea tour, as the title would suggest, took us to see, er, SEA.  What better way to take a break from cruising on the ocean but to take another cruise on the ocean.  But this was different, same ocean..., smaller boat.  It was a double-decker catamaran.  We had a native historian who narrated our trip down the Kona coast.  There was a live band playing below and we had nice views from above.  Someone at the stern was fishing and hooked a nice wahoo.  A short time later we saw a pod of dolphins.  I counted at least 16 at one time near the surface.

The judges gave him an 8, as there was too much splash.

The end of the Sea portion of our Land and Sea tour brought us back close to our ship where we could take a few pictures.

Pride of America (POA is the only US flagged cruise ship)

After our Kona by Land and Sea tour brought us back to the dock we had to get on board our ship's launch (lifeboat) for our return to the ship. 

POA Lifeboat doing double duty as a launch

Tonight we sail to the Kauai Port of Nawiliwili.

Hawaiian Islands Cruise Maui Port of Kahului

We left the spacious room at Waikiki Outrigger Reef and headed for the confines of our shipboard cabin with just enough room to change your mind, but only if you step into the passageway.  Our trip to the port was by taxi.  Our driver spoke fluent Korean, but no English.  Luckily, he assumed our port destination.  We were happy with our decision to take what turned out to be a $17 taxi ride versus waiting for the recommended "cheaper" shuttle.  The shuttle would cost only $12.50 per passenger and would require us to wait an extra hour in the hotel lobby.

Security at the port was tedious as it is geared to keep out all alcohol and liquids of any kind.  They use metal detectors with no pretext of looking for metal.  Just throw your machete, chainsaw, etc., into the basket and it won't get a second look.  They just want to have an excuse to go through carry-on bags to search for liquids that might cut into their bottom line.

Tin Man Smuggling Alcohol on NCL Cruise

We found our room and moved in.  Our roll-aboards and the two of us filled all of the available space.  We awaited the arrival of our large suitcases and pondered where it would all go.  The room was a bit warm so we turned down the AC.  We noticed that the bathroom had a new safety feature in the shower.  It was designed so small that it was impossible to slip and fall down.  You might get wedged in but you won't fall.

Our Stateroom Was a Bit Crowded

An hour later our big bags arrived and we spent the next hour trying to stow our Hawaii clothes in drawers and on hangers and put our San Francisco clothes back in the luggage for under bed storage.

Stateroom Closet Ready for Hawaii

While all this was going on, we noticed that our room was still warm.  We would, after several phone calls, find out that the Maintenance section had scheduled this day to perform maintenance on the AC compressor that serviced our room and several adjoining rooms.  Opening the balcony door to allow the 78 degree breeze to enter would seem like an option until your realize that somewhere below your room they were pumping out the sewage holding tanks.  That wonderful aroma and the fact that the dock workers were constantly backing their fork lifts and assorted vehicles, each equipped with very loud screeching back-up alarms, quashed that idea.

Management eventually found out from Maintenance what was going on and assured us our AC would be working in a few hours.  It seems Maintenance does what it wants on its own schedule and never informs the Hotel Management side of their plans.  Lucky us.

Our Stateroom AC Was More Complicated Than We Thought

We toasted our luck with the bottle of wine Sue kindly had "gifted" us before our departure from Miami.  Eventually the AC came to life.  We set sail for Kahului, Maui.

Maui was originally called ʻIhikapalaumaewa, but I'm glad they changed it. Coffee, macadamia nuts, papaya, tropical flowers, sugar, pineapple and Maui Waui are the most successful crops.  Sugar and pineapple are no longer exported.  Figures on Maui Waui exports are hard to find but it can be assumed that it is doing well.  The population of Maui is reported at 144,444 people and one antichrist (see below).

At Zero-dark-thirty the alarm went off and we got ready for our day.  A quick breakfast and we were off the ship at 7:55 to meet our tour guide Damien.  This was the Road to Hana tour, billed as featuring a luxury motor coach with captain’s chairs and large clear picture windows.  The featured attraction however, was Damien, who bills himself as "The Local Boy" and regularly reassures you that you were very fortunate to have gotten him as your guide.  While he was knowledgeable in Hawaiian history, local folklore and in identifying plants and points of interest on our tour, it slowly became evident he had more in common with his movie namesake than most would have wanted.

Childhood Picture of Our Tour-guide, Damien

Damien, who had a very loud speaking voice amplified even more with the bus’s sound system, began by scolding an older couple for having the audacity to talk among themselves when he wanted to talk.  It should be known that Damien wanted to talk ALL the time.  When it came to the point in the tour for the touted beach stop at the “seven pools”, Damien tried his best to shame the four potential swimmers into cancelling that desire.  As Damien tried to explain, we were all "family.”  He went so far as to intimate that the water wasn't clean even though the pools were fed from the mountains and elsewhere he bragged that Hawaii had the world’s best water.  We think he wanted to get back early for that Bud Lite he kept talking about.  I think he may have actually been talking about "lighting up a bud", after all, we were in the capital of Maui Waui.

Road to Hana Waterfall

We decided to walk down to the Seven Pools and see the sights.  It was a "5 minute walk" to the pools.  That last part was in quotes because it happened several times on our trip.  Whenever you hear someone say those words just know they are liars.  Unintended liars but liars nonetheless.  There is no such thing as a "5 minute walk."  Maybe there used to be 5 minute walks when I was in my 20's, but now, not a chance.  I can't clear my own shadow in under five minutes anymore.  This five minute walk was to be no exception.  As it happened this trail was a loop.  Loops are nice because they always bring you back.  Loops are bad because you never know which way to "loop".

Note that 0.5 mi does not mean "5 min walk"

We started down a path (Kuloa Point Trail Loop) and came to the cutlery, otherwise known as the proverbial "fork in the road."  As Yogi Berra would say when you come to a fork in the road, take it.  We did, and it was the wrong utensil.  A park ranger on that path said we would be better taking the other route.  We doubled back and took the easier dirt path which was strewn with loose rocks and a wide variety of tree roots.  Sue doesn't remember if it was a rock or a root that tripped her, but down she went.  She didn't tear her pants but managed to bloody both knees.  Sue's new destination would be the bus where she could get some ice. 

Path now named Kuloa Path (Hawaiian for "Skinned Knees")

Swimming in the Seven Pools

Overall, this tour included beautiful scenery and a plethora of Hawaiian history.  On the negative side was the fact that the shortcut back from Hana was along a very bumpy unpaved road.  And don’t forget we also had the pleasure of Damien's company.

Sue and I at Overlook

Scene Along the Road to Hana

Scene Along the Road to Hana

After our late rather exhausting day on Sunday, we decided to relax on board the ship and enjoy the pleasure of our stateroom on our second day in Maui.  Maintenance had other plans.  Again, without notifying anyone, someone decided to shut down our air conditioning to do some more maintenance.  We complained enough that finally the Assistant Manager of Guest Services came to see the problem.  He experienced the hot room.  I demonstrated to his nostrils why the usual back up plan of opening the balcony door was not a good idea.  When you feed 2,100 people with all you can eat buffets, the resulting waste product being regularly pumped into trucks at dockside no longer had that wonderful buffet smell.

We toured the ship and took pictures while the AC was under repair.  Given that the average passenger was covered by Medicare, the trip around the pool reminded me of a California Raisin’s commercial.

Poolside on Pride of America

Poolside Aboard NCL's Pride of America

We decided to stop by the John Adams Coffee Bar that sells more liquor than coffee.  We glanced at the menu and spotted our new favorite drink, The Painkiller.  We had one for each of Sue's battered knees.

A Pair of Painkillers

Tomorrow, on to Hilo on the Big Island.